by Matt Hanson

originally published in Flak Magazine

             Recently, John Miller of the National Review posted his playlist for the top 50 conservative rock songs of all time.  Conservative rock might strike one as an oxymoron,  but when cheerfully proposed, it certainly creates a kickass party mix.  After looking more closely at the song and artist selection, however, there is some pretty glaring disharmony and outright dissonance.           

            Part of the problem for the right with creating a list like this is that it exposes a telling irony: most of the artists are outspoken liberals.  Not only that, but in many cases these artists have plenty of other songs in their catalogue to fuel any progressive block party.  Liberalism is often an ingredient to the music itself, despite any narrow-minded admonishment to "shut up and sing".  The Kinks, for example, mocked England's self-satisfied sentimental Right in (just to name a few) "Mr Pleasant", "Plastic Man", the Rousseauian "Apeman", a love song about a transvestite, and the bitingly rapturous "Shangri-La".  It would be more of a point of pride if the conservatives had more really talented, smart musicians from their side to help outline their political agenda.   Instead, they've got Ted Nugent.  It's a little bit of a problem that when conservatives want to rock out, they find themselves poaching their power chords from the left.          

            Most of Miller's top ten is taken up with songs from artists who are anything but role models for conservative living or philosophy: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, U2, The Who, the Sex Pistols, and the Kinks have all spoken or acted out against the right wing at one time or another.  Miller good-naturedly concedes this, and cheerfully provides that he "won't hold that against them."  He sure didn't- going farther down the list you've got The Clash (who named one of their last immortal records after a Marxist guerrilla group), Bob Dylan, David Bowie,  Aerosmith (longtime fundraisers for Ted Kennedy), and Creedence Clearwater Revival, the guys who brought you the all-too-relevant "Fortunate Son". These are only the most obvious examples, I'm not too sure where Oingo Boingo and Jesus Jones fall on the political spectrum.  Looks like beggars can he choosers, after all.     

            This wouldn't be such a big deal if many of the song selections weren't so wacky.  Won't Get Fooled Again by the Who is definitely a song about revolution and its discontents.  But the title more than reflects the anger of the left and the gradual disappointment of the right over an Administration that can't seem to keep its story straight over, well, anything.   And what about "The Men who spurred us on/Sit in judgement of all wrong/ They decide and the shotgun sings the song"?  This can't  have any connection to the war in Iraq, since that would be defeatist and un-American.  "Meet the new boss....same as the old boss" is not a happy sentiment for those who voted, twice, for a well-connected scion of one of the most well-known political dynasties of the present day.       

            The Beatles' Taxman definitely sticks it to the tax collectors, but the backing vocals point out Mr. Wilson and Mr. Heath- the liberal and conservative leaders of political England at the time- for damnation in equal measure.  Only two songs mentioned herein are sung by women and one of them is "Stand By Your Man".   And "Wake Up Little Susie" is not a sweet throwback to a simpler, more innocent time.  The narrator is freaking out, having been caught in post-coital bliss with his lady friend, and has got to haul ass, but quick.  Bill Frist is about to tell them about getting HIV from tears.             

            "Sweet Home Alabama" is a great song, no doubt about it, but it also has a famous defense of Watergate as simply "not bothering me" and some prickly ambiguity about George Wallace.  <To use an often heard conservative critique- is this the type of thing that sets a good moral example? >   It's cool that Iron Maiden set The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner to music, but I doubt that much of Bush's base are deeply devoted to the study of English Romanticism.  Particularly when it's written by Samuel Taylor Coleridge- a liberal who once tried to create a hippyish rural commune in Pennsylvania.  Speaking of Brit Lit, Led Zeppelin's hash-and-Tolkein number 'The Battle Of Evermore" might conjure up images of maypoles, paganism and merrily dancing elves, but just because 'the tyrant's face is red" probably doesn't mean he's a Communist.  He might just be angry.      

            The genre of songs in the list fall into a pretty uninspiring category, as well.  Miller jokingly asks "who ever said diversity isn't a conservative principle?"  Well, his list does.  Most of these tunes have been heard a million times on a million radio stations by a million people.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It's just not all that interesting, since there are after all other genres of music besides pop/rock from the Reagan era in the commercial rock format- all Baby Boomer, all suburbia, all the time.  As far as the right is concerned, they can have all the Blink 182, Kid Rock, Rush, and Creed they want.  When they want music that will uplift, rock out, and inspire, they'll have to steal their kids' John Lennon records.  One wonders when  the right wing is going to learn that, to quote a popular Christian performer named Dee Snider, "you can't stop rock and roll."